Glory and daughter Sonya
We, as they say, together endured and together gave birth to a child. I attended the birth, even held the legs of my wife, that is, I actually took birth with the midwife. This was one of the few cases when I heard my wife swear. When my daughter was born, I was still studying, and at two universities, I was 22 years old. I took parental leave, and my wife went to work two months after giving birth. The first month I did not let Sonia out of my hands. The fact that children can not be held much in their hands, they say, get used to - this is all nonsense. I slept with my daughter, and mom - on the couch. Usually I spent the whole day with the child, and when my wife came home from work, we went for a walk together, then I left Sonya and went to school. Returned in the evening, her wife herself bathed and laid. At ten in the evening the child was already asleep, and there was about two hours to talk about something over tea.
It’s not that I like to stay at home, but I believe that our way out of the situation is the most rational. In addition, I always loved children: when I see a child, a smile from ear to ear appears on my face. Although everyone around is very surprised: how is it, dad with a child ?! Dad should work, and mom should be with her daughter. Among our acquaintances there are no such cases, most say: "No, no, no, I am a getter, I won’t do this, let my wife sit!"
Wife calls me a real hero. Sonia during childbirth swallowed water and thundered in intensive care. Then she was left in the hospital for a week and a half, and her wife was discharged. She was at home, she had stitches, it was difficult to move, and the baby had to bring breast milk. Then we got up at five in the morning, expressed milk, and on a bicycle I drove bottles of milk for the first feeding in the hospital at six in the morning.
Our friends with children already tell me: "Look how cool you are with them! Do you want to open a kindergarten?" But everything is good in moderation. I am surprised at those mothers who are three years old, and many sit longer with the child. How is that possible? Sometimes you run out of breath emotionally. The child requires 100% of your time, and at the end of such a "working" day, the feeling that you have worked a shift at the factory. Children are the flowers of life, but when you breathe in, your head hurts. Now Sonya is still small and has to constantly look after her: she might try to climb somewhere, stumble, bump, and until you play especially, there is no return.
Now my wife and I are trying to find a compromise so that we can more or less equally stay with our daughter. For example, on Saturday or Sunday, I sit with my child until 5 pm, then I leave for my business or play football. As for work, I was already called to different companies, but they have a full-time job and no one wants to give a flexible schedule. So I'm trying to earn some money somewhere, sacrificing a more serious career. I understand that everything will succeed, I am only 23. In the meantime, everything suits me.
Mitya, son of Luke and daughter Tasya
At one time, the wife went on parental leave, but when Luka turned four months old, I realized that I could not work until late anymore, and decided to leave work. I found myself in a situation where my unemployed wife, a five-month-old child sits at home, and no new job offers are received. It was not clear what all this would lead to. But I found a job where you can leave home early and devote most of your time to family. I got especially involved when Luke went to kindergarten. We get up with him at seven in the morning, wash, dress, I feed him porridge, and we leave. After that I come home, wake Tasya with Dasha, bathe Tasia and go to work. It turned out that now I have most of the responsibilities for caring for children.
When you have your first child and you go out with him for the first time, naturally, you are scared. But life with children teaches: if you get involved, you will understand. From their earliest age, I knew that they would not be lost with me. The scarecrow was different: I always understood that if I did something wrong, nothing bad would happen to the children. But if for some reason the wife finds out about this, the conversation will be long. The main thing that I understood is that one should not underestimate the consequences of non-compliance with the regime. Told you fool that you need to put the children in two - stack. If you do it differently, you yourself will suffer from it. A person with a secondary school education is capable of reaching all this himself. In many situations, fathers behave much more judiciously. This is not a reproach to mothers, because all responsibility for them, they are the basis. Nevertheless, mothers like to make a problem out of trifles. Of course, there were some ridiculous moments with the children: for example, when I poured salt instead of the milk mixture.
When Luka was six or seven months old, we first all went together to rest abroad. At first it seemed like a lot of difficulties, starting from the airport. In fact, nothing terrible. I once read a selection of tips on how to fly correctly if you have children. There were absolutely idiotic recommendations, like wearing dark glasses, so that everyone would consider you a celebrity and were eager to help. In reality, this is all, of course, nonsense. By the way, at Russian airports people with children are allowed to check in without a queue much more readily than in Europe, although we never ask about it. Now we are actively traveling, already four, with Tasey.
In general, living in Moscow is very convenient for people with children. If you are a man with a stroller, then there are generally no problems in getting around the city. I’ve once taken Luka, who is now four, on the metro two or three times a week with all changes. And so with where to go with a child in Moscow, no questions at all. It's just that at some age one thing is harder to do, and the other is easier. For example, it is more convenient to go to restaurants when it is very small, and to the park when it has grown. After all, a restaurant is best if the child just lies and does nothing. And then at one fine moment he tastes bread, begins to eat bread and besides him does not want to eat anything. And that’s it: if he buys a loaf of bread, he will be busy all day.
I can stay alone with two children for several days, for example, on weekends. This happens from time to time, and I perceive it normally, because my wife also needs to rest. With two children, you can even go somewhere. For the first time, it looked like a famous gif in which a cat pulls its two kittens up a hill. First drags one and returns for the next, at this time the first moves out. On such days, you understand how much work it is. In the same office, for example, you can drink coffee, and when you are two days with children, the only breaks are for sleeping. But when for some reason I find myself without children for an hour, I always get the feeling that right now I could do something interesting with them. There was a moment when I went to a new place of work, and for the first time in a year my wife faced the need to bathe and lay children. Before that, I was doing all this. Then I came home with the feeling that urgent help was needed. In general, I have a constant feeling that if I am not at home, I am not enough there, although they can do fine without me. The wife says she has not met such fathers. And her mother thinks I'm strange.
In society, a man with children is easy and pleasant. To come with an infant to the clinic for help is your benefit. Everyone blossoms, smiles, never sends them from one office to another, and they themselves show everything, let them go everywhere and instantly write out a certificate. In kindergarten, fathers with children are also respected. The same thing happens when I come to the development center with them. There are waiting rooms for parents. They are spontaneously divided into female and male. Where only dads are, everything is very strict: three men in shirts are sitting, each holding a book. I go in and we nod silently to each other. In the meantime, in the room with the mothers reigns incessant whine. And when mothers see you come to them with one child under their armpit to pick up another from the audience, they exhale strangely and shockingly. How women sighed at the Gravity screening when George Clooney appeared there a second time.
Nikolay and son Matvey
I am a photographer, but in 2014, a joint business with a colleague stopped developing. It worked out for everyone: the son was small, and we immediately and for a long time left for the village. Then his wife was offered a high position several times. For the third time, it was already wrong to refuse: the crisis, set of circumstances, I have no job. I decided: where should I grow already? And the wife has all her career growth ahead. She occupies a leadership position, runs the processes in the darkroom of the online store and studies, receives an MBA. I can’t tell my wife: "drop everything."
Children never scared me, I don’t get tired of them. Matvey is my third child. The other two are much older: they are 24 and 25 years old. Of course, I sat with them a lot, until I got divorced, but not as desperate as I am now. Everyone around makes big eyes and says: "Are you sitting at home with your child? Every day?" Yes, I'm sitting. My mother-in-law is still far from retirement, she is actively working, and I am skeptical about nannies, I do not trust. It's not that I heard about some unpleasant cases, but just the fact of the presence of a stranger in the house annoys me a little. I would not leave Matvey to anyone. His first word was "dad." Now in the mornings he calls me out of the crib: "Dad, dad!" He somehow did not make up his mind with his mother and grandmother, they both had a "woman". I told him: "Matvey, women in the market sell seeds, this is mom, this is grandmother." Useless.
I have never read any books on psychology or articles on parenting. The wife reads something similar for the sake of interest, but Matvey is far from a book child, we grow him from our own experience. We don’t even know what height and weight it is, only an approximate figure. My neighbor of her child all the time measures, weighs and rushes with him. As it happens with many: "He sneezed! How to be? Oh, we are doing something wrong." Also, we do not bother with some mode for the child. If he woke up and had breakfast at ten in the morning, I won’t count any strict three hours minute to minute until the next feeding. Of course, there is an approximate feeding time, but what if we went somewhere together?
Matvey is a rather calm child, he sleeps at night, wakes up at 09:20 or at 10:00, not an early bird. And I get up early, accompany my wife to work. If there is nobody in the room, the son can open his eyes, assess the situation and again calmly fall asleep. He has breakfast at the beginning of the eleventh, and then he often falls asleep again. From two to three he has lunch, after dinner he will play and can still sleep if we do not go for a walk or somewhere for business. So I always have time to go about my own business, for example, farming - it is entirely on me. A hysteria with a son also never happens, if anything, I can easily correct his mood.
In our district, an already established parental team. Young mothers immediately calmly accepted me into their company. Sometimes they come up and say: "Oh, what a granddaughter ..." But I just shake my head: "No, not a granddaughter." My wife and I go to the doctors together. A funny story came out with the pediatrician: when Matvey was born, our district police officer was on vacation. We only came to our doctor in December, and she says: "Where did you come from? Who are they?" We replied: "Yes, we just arrived from the village." We still have on the card: "We came from the village." Now a kindergarten has been laid down since the age of three, so you need to sit with the child for three years. But this is not a burden to me, especially since my wife wants more children.
PHOTO: Yasia Vogelhardt